Arranged marriages are commonplace in countries like India, China, Afghanistan and Japan. The idea of an arranged marriage is disgraceful to most westerners. Most westerners believe that marriage should be based on love; however for most societies in history, even Western ones, the concept of marriage for love is a relatively new idea.
What is an arranged marriage?
An arranged marriage is when a single person has their marriage partner decided for them by someone else on their behalf. This may include several partners, such as in polygamous arrangements. The person that decides who will marry whom is usually the parents, but could also be the grandparents. In some places, the unmarried person has no say who they marry and in other places, the arranged marriage is more of an arranged introduction; the single person can approve or disapprove the choice offered to them.
Arranged marriage in contemporary society
Arranged marriages in many societies are more like arranged introductions where the child has the power of veto. Many westerners are turning to online dating services, speed dating and blind dating to provide introductions for them. Whilst these services are not fostering arranged marriages, the introductions are made for the person using the service who hopes to meet a prospective life partner.
Arranged marriage pros
• Ideally, the person in charge of the arranged marriage has their child’s best interest at heart. If this is the case, the arranged marriage might at first appear to be an incompatible arrangement, but the age-old adage ‘Love is blind’ exists for a reason.
• Divorce rate of arranged marriage versus marriage for love is much lower.
Arranged marriage cons
• Often, the arranged marriage is only as good as the person arranging it. Of course this is not necessarily a bad thing if you have a good parent who has chosen a suitable mate.
• Arranged marriages can be motivated by economic reasons. The person arranging the marriage might be interested in increased social status and comfort that comes from an increase in accumulated wealth.
Love marriage vs. arranged marriage
Marriage for love is the ideal for most westerners. It is becoming more and more popular, however, with the new generation in India and China. More and more young Indians don’t want their parents to arrange marriage for them, but they want to marry a person of their own choosing, a person they have fallen in love with.
One of the problems with marriage based on love is what happens to that marriage when the feelings of love wear off? Many western people get divorced because they are not in love anymore. Love is not simply a feeling, but it is a feeling, a choice and an action.
After being married happily for eleven years with three children, I know how love has often been a choice that has then developed into a feeling. This is often what people from an arranged marriage backgrounds state; their parents arranged the marriage, and then the relationship grew into love.
Are you facing an arranged marriage?
I am realizing more as I get older that parents really do know best, but maybe that’s just easy for me to say because I have good parents. Even though, if the saying ‘love is blind’ has any truth at all, then you should seek advice from someone in your life who is wise and cares for you, before you get married – whether that is an arranged marriage or marriage for love.
Rhys Emmanuel - Living and doing development work as a medical professional in Asia has given me unique insight into many areas of life and work and a ...
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